CAUTION: This excerpt has adult language and situations and if that bothers you stop reading.
If you like that sort of thing — carry on.
Excerpt from Everything I Left Unsaid
“You’ve never…?” he asked.
Once, I thought, but the memory was a bad one. Sour and awful. Terrible and unfinished, I couldn’t even count it.
“Oh, fuck, baby I don’t even care if this is some kind of game you’re playing. I’m in. Whatever it is, I’m so fucking in.”
“It’s not a game.”
“Okay,” he said and I could tell he still didn’t believe me. And God, wasn’t that easier? Wasn’t it easier if he thought I was worldly and experienced enough to think of this dirty little phone sex game to play with a stranger?
His low chuckle sizzled from my ear over my body. “No, this one is about you.”
About me. Oh God, why did that even turn me on?
Nothing good had been about me. Ever.
“Tell me what to do,” I whispered.
His breathing was hard and I heard the shift and squeal of a chair, like he was turning, or leaning back.
“God, you’re good, baby.”
I didn’t give a shit what he thought as long as this feeling was filling my body. “Please,” I whispered.
Again, that groan. “Slide your fingers down between your legs.”
My fingers slipped under the plain pink cotton of my underwear and I whimpered when the pressure of my hand made the ache worse. Sharper somehow.
“I like that sound you made,” he said.
“Cup yourself in your hand, your fingers low… you feel yourself there?”
“Yes. I’m…I’m wet. Hot.”
“Good, baby. Now take those fingers down between your lips, just keep following your wetness until your finger slips…”
I gasped. “Inside.”
“Oh God.” I closed my eyes, sliding my finger out slowly and then back in. I lifted my knees up, arched my hips so I could get more of my finger inside, but somehow, as good as that felt, there was something entirely unsatisfying about it. “Its not—”
“Use two fingers.”
I did and immediately the pressure inside was fuller… better. My fingers slipped and slid, buried between my legs. I felt the muscles of my channel against the skin of my hand in a way I never had before.
“You know where your clit is?” he asked.
“Yes.” Entirely in theory.
“Slip your thumb up to the top of your pussy—”
I did what he asked, so hard and so fast that when my thumb brushed my clit, I cried out.
“There you go,” he breathed, sounding somehow satisfied. “Work it with your thumb.”
“It… it hurts, a little.”
“Good hurt or bad hurt?”
“There’s no good hurt,” I told him, my voice harsher than I’d intended. Good hurt. What an oxymoron. My thumb lifted from the kernel between my legs that was so sensitive right now I could barely stand to touch it.
His silence went on for a long time, long enough that I pulled my fingers from my body. The breeze over my body was not cool — it was cold.
I crossed an arm over my chest as if he could see me.
“You’re not playing, are you? This isn’t some hot virgin kink game with you?”
“Sure it is,” I said, trying to sound coy or something, not like my lungs were being crushed by failure and embarrassment. “You don’t like it?”
“Don’t lie.” His voice was harder than it had been and I responded instinctively.
“You’ve really never done this?”
Virgin kink. My entire awful, sad and lonely sexual experience could be summed up as virgin kink?
I sat up, breathless and embarrassed again. My body’s humming, its ache and throb — the slick heat between my legs, on the top of my thighs — shameful more than pleasurable.
“Never mind,” I stammered. “Forget it. Forget everything.”
“Layla, stop. Don’t hang up.”
I didn’t hang up, but I didn’t say anything either.
“Are you there?” he asked.
After a long moment, I said “yes.”
“Did that feel good, that stuff you were doing?”
“Yes.” It came out as a sob. My body felt combustible. My emotions impossibly wild. Totally out of control. I wanted to hit and scream and cry.
“It’s gonna go somewhere, baby. I promise. All those feelings it’s going to get better and better. Let me… let me tell you what to do.”
“Are you…going to laugh at me?”
“Laugh? I’m the fucking luckiest man on the planet tonight. The only thing I’m going to do is help you come.”